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Matches are the New Lighters

Get “lit” the right way

These are matches.

We’ve all been there. You need to light a candle, a cigarette, or you’re camping and you want to start a fire. So you ask someone for a light and they hand you this:

Uh…Thanks?

A lighter.

A BIC lighter no less.

You thank them and try to light your object of choice. You flick and flick. The friction of the spark wheel leaves a stinging imprint on your thumb. This must be a bad first date, because there’s no spark! You question your intelligence. Are you that dumb that you can’t light a simple lighter?

You’re not. It’s not you, it’s the lighter. And matches are better than lighters.

Here’s why:

Matches are Free

These are matches

At a restaurant or bar, even a hotel, most businesses have a bowl of free matches you can grab right by the toothpicks. Do yourself a favor and grab a pack! You’ll thank yourself later when you need a light, or when you need to remember that restaurant/bar you went to last week.

Lighters are Easy to Lose

Looking for a lighter like…

People are constantly misplacing their lighters. They’re so easy to forget! They’re tiny and plastic, perfect for slipping out of your pocket, getting buried in a drawer, or your friend simply stealing it after lighting a joint and hoping you won’t notice (you haven’t). Matches come in a nice paper case that’s easy to write your name or number on. Your move, Lighters.

Never Trust a Person Who Always Has a Lighter

If you know someone who always has a lighter handy: run. They’re either just waiting for the opportunity to light a pretty person’s cigarette or they’re a kleptomaniac. Good people lose lighters. People who always have a lighter handy are probably the devil.

Accurate photo of someone who uses lighters.

Which makes sense because devils LOVE fire. Of course they’d always have a lighter handy!

Match Books Remind You of Where You’ve Been

Call this number!

Sure, we have Instagram, but nothing like a book of matches to remember that place you had the amazing steak, or the best dirty martini or that bar where you fell in love.

You Get Multiple Matches in a Match Box

And only one lighter with a lighter.

Matchbox Twenty Was a Band

The band Matchbox Twenty.

They had that great song 3AM, which you just learned is not a love song, but about Rob Thomas’ mom who had cancer. Light a match for Rob Thomas’ mom! Also how many bands can you name that start with, “Lighter”? According to Spotify: none.

Matches Never Run Out of Fluid

And lighters do constantly.

Lighting a Cigarette with a Match is WAY More Bad Ass

Power Pose

Anyone can light a cigarette with a lighter. It takes skill, poise, and talent to light a cigarette with a match.

Lighting a Candle with a Match is Easier

They even have matches that are super long so you can get right in there, unlike lighters that cover you hand in soot.

No One Uses Lighters at Concerts Anymore

No lighters here!

Been to a concert lately? I have. Everyone holds up their lit cellphone screens not lit lighters, which is so much less of a fire hazard.

And in conclusion, matches are better than lighters.

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