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Who Our 2018 Bachelor Should’ve Been

SPOILER ALERT: It’s not Peter

Tonight’s the night. The premiere of ABC’s Season 22 of The Bachelor, and we’re still having a hard time coping with the fact that Arie Luyendyk Jr. is our 2018 bachelor. But just incase anything happens to Arie, we here at the Hot Take would like to nominate another candidate with more charisma, personality and pizazz:

A warm delicious perfectly baked potato.  Here’s why:

 

It’s Easier to Spell “Baked Potato”

It’s spelled like it sounds. No extra “e” at the end of it’s name, just simply, “Baked Potato,” which is also SO much easier than “Arie Luyendyk Jr. to doodle in your notebook with hearts. Trust us, we’ve tried. 

 

Baked Potatoes are Gluten Free

After a recent discovery that bread turns you into a garbage person, it concerns us that an Instagram post from April 9th, 2015, might suggest that Arie is not gluten free and argo a garbage person.

 

 

See? Toast. Toast isn’t gluten free and if it is, it’s disgusting. But you know what is gluten free? That’s right. A delicious baked potato.


Baked Potatoes are Warm

There’s nothing like breaking into the skin of a freshly baked potato. It’s all warm and steamy after being in in a 350 degree oven for a hour. But you know what isn’t warm? Arie’s personality. I mean just look at this picture:

There’s Arie as the runner up in Season 8 of the Bachelorette (which we didn’t watch because we were basically children in 2012). In this picture he’s with the bachelorette Emily, a girl who’s love he’s competing for on national television and his body language is totally cold; no eye contact, hands in his pocket, he can’t even be bothered to hold her jacket or brochures because he’s too busy ignoring her. Brrrrr, it’s cold in here. 

Also apparently on this vintage show, another contestant was criticizing Emily’s daughter, and Arie almost got sent home because he didn’t stand up her. What!? That’s not very warm. 

 

You Can Enjoy a Baked Potatoes Before You Can Enjoy Arie on The Bachelor

You only have to wait 45 minutes to an hour to enjoy a delicious, warm and satisfying baked potato without any commercial breaks. You have to every Monday and sit through commercials to enjoy Arie on the Bachelor. 

 

Baked Potatoes Have More Looks!

The possibilities of what you can do with a baked potato is endless. You can stuff them with sour cream, chives, bacon and cheddar. Or keep it simple with a big chunk of melted butter. You can even add tomato sauce, pepperoni and cheese and enjoy it pizza style! Anything is possible! Where according to Instagram Arie seems to only look: sad selfie:

And in conclusion, a baked potato, like the ones pictured  in the article above would make a better Bachelor candidate than Arie. 

Think about it, ABC.


Also published on Medium.

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