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The Best Bachelor Recap You’ll Ever Read: Season 22 Episode 4

WOW! What an episode! So much happened — and we got you covered with all the HOT TAKES. We got to start with the biggest controversy of this episode, Bekah revealing her real age.

She’s 22.

Here’s rare footage of Arie after discovering Bekah’s age:

We also can’t believe it. So we have a hot take theory about it, that honestly makes more sense:

Bekah is a Ghost 

Recent photo of Bekah. Boo!

We’re not believing Bekah is 22. We just can’t.  This whole time we thought it was going to be revealed that Bekah was over 30,  NOT under 30. She really does seem so mature, with her furs and Elizabeth Taylor haircut. She’s like an old soul.

So there’s only one possible explanation for all of this: Bekah is a ghost (obviously). She was clearly an aspiring actress in the 20s and died at 22. And she can’t rest until she finishes her unfinished business of winning The Bachelor. Kinda of like that Disney Channel Original movie Susie Q. Only in the Bachelor world instead of high school world. 

Arie is Also 22 

If Bekah is not a ghost, then Arie is 22 (mentally). They say men mature slower than women and no one proves that better than Arie, “the kissing bandit.”

And you know who LOVES to make out? 22 year old boys, duh!

So if Bekah is 22, (which we’re starting to accept because no one over 30 spells “Bekah” like that).  That means she was born in 1996, so she was basically a baby when Arie was on the Bachelorette. (We think, we’re not really good at math).

Picture of Bekah at the last group date.

Another weird thing about this age difference is here’s a picture of Bekah from 2001:

She’s the third one from the left in this picture. Here’s a picture of Arie from 2001.

When he finished third in the Formula Continental class at the SCCA National Championship Runoffs while rocking chunky highlights. SO BRAVE.

So Arie is obviously mentally 22 which is why him and Bekah get along so well! Also Arie’s last girlfriend Sydney Stempfley is 26.

BREAKING NEWS: MEN LIKE YOUNGER WOMEN

Does Anyone Else Realize Maquel is 23?! 

WHY ISN’T ANYONE TALKING ABOUT THIS?! SHE’S ONLY ONE AGE OLDER THAN BABY BEKAH! Is it because she didn’t hide her age? IDK. Is it because her Grandpa conveniently died and she had to leave so we couldn’t get into this? Also she didn’t get a rose– is she invited back?!

Arie Actually Hates Being Outdoors 

And he’s really bad at hiding it..

Arie counting down the minutes he can retire to his Hard Rock Suite and catch up on The Crown.

All the girls and Arie leave the mansion and embark on a trip around the world to fall in love, first stop is South Lake Tahoe! Which the girls are all SUPER excited about. Honestly, Chris could tell them they’re going to the Olive Garden in Burbank, California and they would all shriek just as loud.

Arie keeps saying he picked South Lake Tahoe because it “such a contrast to Los Angeles, it’s clear blue skies, beautiful pine trees..” and he loves things like “hiking and being outside.” Which honestly sounds like someone who’s never been outside.

But instead of staying in a rustic cabin AS YOU DO in South Lake Tahoe, Arie checks into the Hard Rock Hotel that  overlooks a golf course. Huh?

Meanwhile the girls are roughing it in a cabin with too much taxidermy that even Kendall probably secretly thinks is a tad excessive.

Kendall with her one true love

It would make sense that Arie secretly hates nature, I mean he’s a race car driver, that’s one of the few sports that’s outside but the players get to stay inside in a car.

And then when he tells the girls how excited he is to be in Lake Tahoe he says it’s a great date destination because, “there’s a lot of outdoor stuff going on which is cool.”

That sounds like something someone who doesn’t spend a lot of time outside would say.

This Show Will be SO Boring Once Krystal Leaves

Krystal is the obvious villain, who almost got sent home tonight.  Which would’ve been a HUGE mistake. Now that we know Bekah’s real age, the only cliffhanger on this show  is what will Crazy Krystal do next?! I really hope she’s one of the top 4 left like Corrine was, I mean think about how boring Nick’s season would’ve been if Corrine got eliminated after she took that nap?

Can We Talk About Arie’s Les Misérables Tattoo?

We noticed it on his date with Seinne that Arie has a tattoo on his forearm…

A closer look revealed they were the numbers 24601 – which is a Les Misérables reference as it’s Jean Valjean’s prison number. Arie got this tattoo after Emily’s season because as he explained to E! News, “I just connected with that character and I saw the play in London and so I got a tattoo.” How a privileged race car driver turned real estate agent turned Bachelor connects with a character who’s sentenced to prison after stealing bread to feed his sister’s children during a depression, is just beyond….

Well that’s all our Hot Takes for this episode! What were your Bachelor hot takes?


Also published on Medium.

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